Thoughts..

Would ever there be a clear distinction between civilization and education; when the fine thread that pierces through the larger sense of both would be known to the general public and an effort to showcase the former be the priority? Today, I saw people propagating the most inhumane ideas in the name of humanity shielded under the thick veil of culture and making advantage out of  abundance of age which, as per them, calls forth wisdom . The solution to a problem is generally believed to be with the one who has his last say in an argument when the real solution lies in a thorough application of humanity that exist in conformity with the prevailing laws.

Whether or not it was fortunate, I was a part of the whole thing but of what constituted the minority and somewhere, I did bear the brunt of my age and gender even though I supported the logic, the morals, the law and the  common good of all. The issue is left unresolved but there was a lot to learn from. Even if it is resolved in our favor, which I pray it should, this is an endless debate that would go on and on in a country like ours.

I just meant to save lives of those innocent beings who cannot fight for themselves and unfortunately, it was a practical situation.

Yea, one of you CA guys..

What do you do when everything is falling out of schedule and creating an apparently unmanageable mess in your life?

Life as a CA student is not easy and you don’t realize it until its four months to your exams. Tired of endless classes, there’s a fight within me every day. One part of me wants to chuck all the classes at all idiotic timings of the day but the other doubts my self-study capabilities and there I go, half heartedly attending the classes again.

Although it has been quite traditional in its way that time is never enough to study and never means the tenth multiple of never for a CA student but a few shining examples of students who withdraw themselves from happiness and sunshine in their lives and quit sleep, smoke and girls for books half their weight not only give you a reality check of the prevailing competition but your own failure to keep yourself abreast with the pace.

In the end, I am struggling to keep myself alive amidst all the confusion and hysteria, hoping, yet, to emerge as a winner. The best advantage of short time span is that your result is not a suspense for long. One less reason to kill me.

Comeback

The last time it happened, I was into a different world. Its been over 6 months, half a year!

So, classes are still on..weight, still an issue unresolved. Bhaiya-Married (Yay)

Its weird how I am not urged to write anymore. Though time remains a constraint, but people do manage to steal time in bits for writing. If not often, at least once a week. Moreover, my thoughts are duskier now and I feel inexpressive. Twitter is the culprit, I know. It has killed all the fun of patiently writing a post before publishing it to the world. And somewhere, it does lack sense too and what worries me more is that am the least bothered about it.

So when I have already incorporated quite a few updates in the least possible words, twitter at fault, this one is the most deserving of all- I, now, have a dog member in my family, too .  Amy, I have named her. Her, you see, so its a she.

I surely mean to continue a regular blog update routine and would come back later with detailed descriptions. Class at 11.30 at Kashmere Gate and its sort of raining outside

C ya

Dullness..

Each day, that goes by silently, is marked with sheer inactivity and dullness. Its not the winters or things that keep me busy. Its my failure to allocate the time that just seems too much after months of days packed with college, training and classes. For a change, there are no classes on weekdays, no training and just college which, also, is brought towards the end of the second term. The mid-term awaits me in January, could give a good start to the year if I decide to indulge in some serious utilization of my time.

Life’s really really dull for now. I feel the least informative, the least exciting, the least interested and the least of whatever describes a girl positively.

what title?

Do you ever feel you’re already old at 18? I do. Irritatingly, a lot these days. Just Just Just look at that white and black header image..GAWWD, this is what am turning into. Another girl from the lot who’s got a weird psyche that makes her get more and more into useless crappy thoughts. And, I want to get out of it.

>>> Hows the new header image? Suits my age?

I cant write. I know, cant help being impulsive.

..Bored..

Shit bored. Missing college. The old building that can collapse anytime with the slightest of tremors produced by a couple of girls hitting walls after they find out their boyfriends have cheated on them and the dirty furniture that has to be sorted out before use..half the desks are generally used by all sorts of pigeons and crows for their morning job. The library thats big enough to accommodate all sorts of books from Akbar’s grandfathers’ era..you walk around the book racks, eyes wide opened in excitement, and pick up that fat book heavier than both your hands and feel the dust settling into your palms..then you open it slowly, cough a bit as some tiny particles choke your throat and smile at the feeling. Its silence all around and you just found out Akbar ki dadi ke nuskhe to get rid of tan. Its always a WOW feeling for me and the wonderfully big canteen wherein I step in, read the menu board and jump with excitement seeing the subsidized prices and come back the same way. Weight loss dude. Yeah, some friends I miss too..lol..

Desperately waiting for the vacations to end.

Turning Back..

I realize that I should not stay with such an impractical, immature and impulsive decision that I had taken just because of a lack of alternatives in this situation. I must learn to let go. Let go things that I can’t have, situations not controlled by me and people whose thinking patterns I can not monitor. However, it’s not the easiest of all.

The slight hope of making things work between us stops me from making any amendments but the fear of the eventual imminent loss does not die. It happens, either now or then. In fact, the probability of its not happening is just a single percent of the hundredth, thereby indicating that I must consider revisions, over and over again till I decide on what my mind wants to decide. That’s how it’s supposed to be. That’s how even I think it should be.

And if I stay, let it grow, the end would be catastrophic, precisely. The point being, I can see it happening and who says avoiding something is wise enough. I must stop and run back to the point wherefrom the ways diverged before I walk too far to look back and meet the dead end.

Feels bad but Life it is.

Mediocrity, I certainly don’t like

How should I have known that all this while when I thought boredom and nothingness had spread their claws in each and every aspect of my life, I was actually, steadily slipping into that darned space of mediocrity. I should have known that life must go on even if I have to eat the same thing everyday or wear the same colour each day or smile at the same boring people. That shouldn’t have stopped me. Damn!

Even though I scored a good 92% in the boards this year, its considered good, as in just good, normal, average, fine. NOT FINE. I did not get admission in any of the three top colleges for commerce in North Campus but mine is very good. Yes, very good but not the best..maybe its just moderately good.

Moreover, mom thinks that the SRCC people are ‘slightly’ better than me. Damn, that makes no sense to me. Somebody who just scored some 12 marks more than me can not be better than me. Its luck, its a slight variation in hard work that was put in, its the circumstances and its everything but certainly not the intellect. No, they are not better than me.

I could not do well in my cpt. My score was just fine.

In a class, where everybody is a holder of 90% of marks in class 12th, how can I be the best even there? :-s and am close to flunking in my BOM test at college. Grrr..

Gosh, am tired of being referred to as a mediocre. I dont want to feel like one. I want to rise again to that level. I want no lime light, no nothing. But just want to be there and am ready to work hard for that. And i will. Promise Promise Promise.

Ohh btw, Happy Teachers’ Day..:-)

Sawaalon Ki Uljhan

1)I don’t understand one thing. This has nothing to do with feminism but they have a clause in the Indian Contract Act that a married woman cannot enter into a contract where the subject matter is her husband’s property with a third party. Isn’t it obvious that she just cannot do that if the property is not in her name? And if they did have to mention that, why didn’t they mention that a husband, too, does not have any right over the Stridhan..of course that’s there in the law..but why not in section 11, along with the clause that deals with the incapacity of a married woman to make such a contract. And if its provided, why are not we taught that specifically? Unfair!

2) I said its not feminism but the income tax act provides that the major husband of a minor girl or her in laws, if the husband is minor as well, are the guardians of the property gifted to her by her parents. Why so? Cant her own parents be the guardians? and why isnt it vice versa?

3) Why does Delhi University have so many colleges reserved just for girls and some colleges have a special relaxation in marks for girls? Doesnt it give an undue advantage to girls over boys? Look, am not a sexist.

4) What was that in ‘Rakhi ka Swayamvar’ that I followed it regularly and for a brief period, I was sympathetic towards her? Okay, I also thought she was beautiful. *Dont look for me under the table, please*

5) Why aren’t the shopkeepers at Janpath provided with some customer care sense? Who teaches them those few lines in english and moreover why do they think they can impress us with that?

6) Why do people overtake from left on our roads? Why do they come from anywhere? Why dont they follow traffic rules? And why do they look at me hopelessly when I refuse to drive and tell them that I shall not drive unless people follow the rules and not expect me be extra careful?

7) What happens to those newly committed girls when they are with their boyfriends? Why do they seem excessively soft and seek protection? Why do they talk aloud in public places and talk nonsense so that the other young people out there can listen to them and admire their cuteness/dumbness? That never happens though..Why don’t they realize that its called exhibitionism?

College stuff..

Two consecutive Mass Bunks..Yippie

Girls are such idiots..its one reason why I did not want to be in a girls’ college. You have to convince them so bad for a mass bunk. Each one of the lot of 40/41/42/whatever has her own reason for not staying home. The most common is, ‘no, i don’t know, i shall come’. How Lame!

Another thing I don’t like is how some girls ‘try’ wielding their unauthorized power over others. Okay, exclude me from both the groups, the authoritative ones and the aggrieved ones. I usually don’t listen to anybody, hehe.

And guess what, they scan you too..you wear something good..they look at you, they scan you as in they check you out in a larger number than guys would do. And surprisingly, they compliment(corrected) too.

Girls are such sweethearts. But do not tell your mom that somebody ‘complimented’ you with exaggerated contents in front of the one who did. It questions their egotism.

I had a test yesterday and 90% of the class was not prepared including me. Somehow, 90% of the class managed to copy from books, notes and partners and would manage a decent score, that excludes me. Damn, I had occupied a seat in the last row and could do nothing. My partners knew nothing. Friend-partner was as dumb as me. Stranger-partner was..i don’t have words for her..she tried copying mine but would not show me her paper..such girls still exist?? As in, they continue to exist even after school..? weirdos. I didn’t have enough courage to open the book..could not copy much from there.

There’s this friend who’s not returning my money and I am still wondering, whether I should deem her a bad debtor or just a debtor. The other one returned me most of my money. Because she was a good debtor, I gave her a discount. Yeah, am thinking of making my monthly statements to manage money. And in a much proper way. I would just make a little changes in the accounting system. I wont make my accounts on accrual basis and wont follow 60% of the rules..lol..Conservatism, I wont follow. Personal, nominal, Real-I don’t care. I don’t have enough stuff to categorize. What happened to the ‘much proper way’? :-s

I attended a seminar the other day. It was over some women related issues. I could not attend it all because my friends were least interested in listening to the speakers. Yeah, I was just slightly bored but still wanted to attend..it was very informative. One of my friends happened to be dumber than me. She knew a shit about the economic issues and hence I had to give her a good background of what they would probably be talking about. I was surprised. She looked so intellectual. Actually, she didn’t. I never thought she was the intellectual types. We are from the same school. Just that we landed in the same college, I thought she would be as ‘learned’ as me. Lol..and everybody knows how learned I am. But am indeed better than her. I at least have a hint of whats happening around me. Moreover, I at least know what Patriarchal system is. Gosh, I feel so embarrassed when I mention that. She knew just nothing. As in, the stuff that you were supposed to learn years back.

And I feel so happy I am not committed like her. That I have time to think about other things and not just deciding over what movies to watch, when to watch, and how to watch. I can think of attending the boring seminars and try making sense of at least one line out of their whole lecture even if am not well versed with the issue. Its interesting, eventually. It feels good when you get back home and tell your other friends about it and the knowledge that you possess is much substantial than theirs.

I conclude, I am actually loving my college days. I dont understand why some people just dont enjoy. I do. A lot